Ok. so this is one of those posts where I get real. Like, really real. But, this is an issue that I truly believe needs to be addressed.
Anorexia and Bulimia get a lot of attention. They are usually easier to identify, like if a co-worker looks especially thin and worn out, or if a friend always retreats to the bathroom after a meal.
But Binge-eating disorder is different. The sufferer may be overweight, or a normal weight. You will never catch them in the act, because binging is a very secretive thing. You may never suspect it because this person is always talking about their new diet, not eating at all, or bringing a salad and diet coke to lunch.
However, the inside world of a binge-eater is a living hell. Thoughts of inadequacy and disgust fill their every waking moment. Every day they wake up with a new resolve to "just stop"...yet every day they still succumb to the overwhelming compulsion.
It's a vicious cycle of restrict, binge and self punishment.
How do I know?
Because I was there. For two years, I lived in this hell. Every day was the same: Wake up, resolve not to eat anything or only certain things, reward myself for depriving myself, then suddenly...I would find myself alone, and spin into an uncontrollable binge.
Every time I vowed would be the last. Every time, I ended up in the exact same place.
This ignored eating disorder was ruining my life.
Many people know of my struggle with Anorexia. But I tend to leave the binge-eating disorder out. Why? Because I am still ashamed of it. If you have never struggled with this issue, then you can't possibly fathom the self-loathing that takes place. Or the complete and utter hopelessness. There were days that I honestly believed I would never win. That I could never overcome.
Then I had a realization. It's not enough to just fix the behavior. You have to understand, and deal with, the underlying issue. Somewhere along the line, your relationship with food got messed up. It became something more than just fuel for your body. It became a means of comfort or control. You started compiling a list in your head of "good" and "bad" foods, jumping from one diet to the next, yet still ending up in the same place.
Sometimes, though, you do really well and start to see results. You think you are finally safe. Free. Then BAM! Out of no where comes this unbearable urge to revert to your old habit. At first, it feels comforting. Familiar. Then comes the guilt, and the cycle begins again.
How can you make it stop? Get help.
It is going to be damn near impossible to do this on your own. Reach out to a trusted friend or relative, and consider hiring a health coach or psychiatrist. Someone who cares about your well being. You will be surprised to find out how good it feels to just get it off of your chest.
You may not realize the dangers and complications that can come from continuous binge eating. You can read more about that here.
It may not seem like it now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will have to move out of your comfort zone and work towards your goal, but it is possible, and so worth it.
Imagine yourself 6 months from now, with a better relationship with food, having energy and being free from this eating disorder.
If you struggle with binge-eating, take the first step to recovery by reaching out to someone today. You deserve to live the healthiest, happiest, and fullest life imaginable.
Warm wishes,
-Amara
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